Is It Really Worth Taking The Kids?
ToddlerTravels in Whistler, British Columbia
There comes a point on each and every trip we take with our children to which Reid throws his hands up in defeat and exclaims: “We are not doing this anymore! We are done traveling with our children!” Which I then reply panicked: “Don’t be ridiculous of course we are!” This has been escalated during our 12 in 2012 travel challenges series, where we have taken some difficult trips with our kids.
BabyTravels and me at Central Park in New York City
Sometimes we travel bloggers make it look easy. I’m here to assure you it’s not. Not even close. Well maybe it is when they get older. We are not there yet. All of my experiences traveling with children has been with 3 year olds and younger. I hold on to the hope that it gets easier when they are older.
ToddlerTravels and me on an Alaskan Cruise
Everything about traveling (and life in general) gets harder when you have children. The amount of stuff you have to pack is absurd, even laughable. Sometimes you miss out on relaxing and amazing experiences because you are worried about keeping a child quiet on the airplane, bus, or train. A lot of times you are stuck in a hotel room with a sleeping baby when your heart is yearning to explore. Those times are not so fun.
BabyTravels touching the walls at the Luray Ceverns in Luray, Virginia
What I can assure you is that it is worth it, at least for me. I love traveling and experiencing new places so much that it brings me such joy to share that with my children. I am never homesick when I travel except when I leave them behind. And while I get to do more and see more and have a hassle-free trip, those trips are the hardest for me because a piece of my heart is missing. It’s a giant trade off but for me it’s worth it to bring them.
ToddlerTravels with Babe the Blue Ox in Bemidji Minnesota
Another argument I get from Reid, “they are so young they won’t even remember it.” It’s so true. There are so many places I have been when I was a baby or a toddler that I don’t remember so I don’t even “count” them as places I’ve been. I’ve given this a lot of thought. Sometimes we spend a lot of money for travels and that is a worry that nags at us.
The four of us at Snowbird in Utah
My only rebuttal I have is that while they may be too young for memories, what we are giving them is even more precious. We are giving them life experiences. And while memories stay with you for a long time, life experiences shape you into who you are. We are giving them a gift of being a well-rounded, well-traveled person. Someone who appreciates different cultures and peoples for who they are, not because of preconceived notions. And that, for me, makes it worth every penny, and every frustration.
So my question (and plea) for all of you who travel with children so often, what is it that keeps you going? Help me convince Reid it’s worth it!
Tags: kid travel tips, travel with kids
September 8th, 2012 at 11:33 pm
Wow, this is a hard one to answer because it’s so subjective.
I know lots of parents who totally give up on travelling when their kids are born because of those same rejections your hubby gives, money, they are too young and won’t remember….etc etc etc.
I thought the same thing for a while.
My kids are 16, 14 and five and we’ve been doting the map since they were little too. We’ve been on the road since 2010 and now live in a new place in the South of france never staying in one place more than 6 to 8 months so far. So i hear and know the pains you are talking about.
I look at my travels with my kids as an investment (probably like you). My littlest, is a better traveller than my two older boys now in their teens because she has been on the road since she was practically born.
She sees the world in a whole new way and asks questions that other little five years don’t. She appreciates things more than the average child. She has learned to adapt to change more easily whereas many children are so used to things being the same all the time and one change in their lives can make them go off the deep end. She understands that foods are different in different places and that we can’t always buy everything she wants because we can’t fit in in our cases. There are so many benefits too list it’s hard to pick one because cumulatively they add up to something you can’t put a price on.
I think if you were to stop travelling now while the kids are younger but wanted to pick it up later, it would be harder.
It’s what happened to me with my two boys. I thought it was better to not travel with them too and for many years we stopped ( between ages 5 and 8) and when we picked up again, it was hard for them to adjust to travel at first and it took a while for them to get back on board.
Now when all my children see the news or read something, they think globally and how the same problem might exist somewhere else? Travelling has expanded their minds whether they know it or not and whether they remember or not. Just because our kids don’t remember you bought them a cool new little baby toy doesn’t stop us as parents buying them those things or taking them to the play ground right? So if travel is what your heart desires than why not give your kids the gift of travel regardless of if they remember it. I digress.
Hope you and your hubby work things out. I always write my top 10 goals down and my hubbby does the same. Then we try to find the overlap and then work from there.
Good luck.. xoxoxoxo
Annie
September 8th, 2012 at 11:50 pm
Thanks Annie that was beautiful! I love that you mention it has expanded their mind and they think about how things affect others globally. It’s not an abstract concept for them because they have seen it first hand!
September 9th, 2012 at 12:09 am
We have been traveling in one form or another since our oldest (now 14) was born. As a military family, we moved and traveled LOTS in the US. Our oldest remembers places we’ve been from when she was 3 yrs old.
We now have 5 kids. Travel with kids isn’t easy, but it is SO worth it. Our son, the youngest, just turned 4 and he knows things most kids his age wouldn’t have a clue about, like Annie said. He knows different currencies, talks about airports (and the airplane snacks, of course) and different countries like he talks about his favorite superheroes.
Honestly, though, if my husband and I were not seeing eye to eye on traveling, I would taper back a bit and honor his wishes. Knowing that you both stand together is far better for your children than pushing him to travel when he really doesn’t want to (if that’s the case). Your marriage is more important than showing the world to your kids. Everything in the world will still be there waiting for you when you’re both ready to see it.
We have a great article by a mom of 4 about why you should travel with your kids even if they won’t remember it in our September issue of Real Family Travel Magazine. Jennifer Miller, the author, has been traveling with her kids since at least the youngest was a baby. Feel free to send me a private email and I’ll give you a copy of the issue.
Oh, and our oldest child LOVES traveling and says she wouldn’t settle down for anything right now. That means a lot coming from a teenager!
September 9th, 2012 at 12:26 am
That is SO encouraging Susan! Especially since we only have 2 kids but plan to grow our family and wonder if we will be able to keep traveling as we add more kids! I will have to look for that article from Jen! thank you!
September 9th, 2012 at 12:49 am
I just read susan’s comment, and i’m with her on one thing. Your marriage is more important than showing the kids the world right now. Maybe if he won’t budge, you can come to some compromise, taper off a bit or meet somewhere in the middle. It’s better to have two happy parents who have met a compromise rather than one who gets what they want when the other doesn’t want something. ?? Just food for thought.
September 9th, 2012 at 1:31 am
Sorry to hear about this, Hilarye. I remember the infant/toddler years and it was hard lugging everything around and dealing with feedings, diapers, temperaments and all the hassles. I can assure you it does get better and easier as they get older and become more independent.
We took my daughter on an Alaska cruise when she was 5 months old and she’s going on her 11th cruise in Nov. for her 10th bday because she wanted to go on one instead of having a bday party. My kids at 7 & 9 have been to 20+ countries and survived many road trips in the US. They’ve become such great travelers. They adapt well, open to trying and experiencing new things, always curious, more open-minded and are well-rounded kids. They deal with jet lag better than me. I can go on and on with the benefits of traveling with young kids and there are so many great posts about it.
Yes, they don’t remember many parts of their travels when they were younger but we believe those travels and experiences have shaped them into who they are. We couldn’t be happier of how they’re growing up and view the world.
It’s also important to note that both you and Reid remember those special moments you spent with them traveling – the first time they tasted a foreign food, their amusing reactions to attractions, playing with other kids without speaking the same language and all that family time spent bonding.
My husband and I made a commitment to not stop our wanderlust when we had kids but there were times we were so tempted to leave them with the grandparents. During those younger years, they went wherever we went but as they got older, love giving us their input on the itinerary and activities. We’ve taken countless pictures and videos and they love looking through their travels. All the good and benefits of traveling far outweigh the bad times in the long run.
I agree with Annie and Susan above. Maybe you can compromise on some things. Ask him which parts he doesn’t like about traveling with the kids and tackle those one at a time. Good luck!
September 9th, 2012 at 3:42 am
We’ve done a lot of traveling with kids and without kids. We’ve always had a balance because my husband doesn’t always enjoy the drama of kids. He also enjoys some alone time. I don’t think it’s either or, you can do some of both. Exposing kids to other places and spending time with them is very important at every age, but it can also mean trips to urgent care and nightmare plane rides. My daughter is now 12 and my brother’s triplets are now 7 and life is a LOT easier. (We frequently travel with the triplets.) Maybe choosing a trip that’s less ambitious with the kids would give you a place to start from. We brought my mom on a lot of trips when the kids were babies, to give everyone a night off. Depending on your resources for childcare, and how often you can travel because you now have kids, hopefully you can find a balance of romantic and easy along with showing your kids the world. And, as they grow, that changes. We just spent 8 weeks on the road and it was glorious, but we’ve learned a lot about what not to do in that time and had several trips no one wants to repeat.
September 9th, 2012 at 4:50 am
It gets easier – it really does! But only if you keep doing it. With that said, though, your husband deserves to enjoy his trips too, and if he is not, maybe you could consider destinations or accommodations that cater to families with babies and toddlers? You’ll have the option of a break from the kids (as much or as little as you choose) and still get to see new places through thir eyes.
Pre-kids I was totally against kids clubs (funny how that works!) and with my first, I wasn’t much interested either. With two, I get it, and we’re all happier after having had our “me time”.
They”re small for such a short amount of time. Cherish their nap times and strollers and soothers and diapers. You’ll miss them when they’re one. Well maybe not the diapers
September 9th, 2012 at 4:55 am
I don’t have little children, anymore, but because they’ve been traveling with me and my husband since…well, literally since before they were born, I can see no what some people (including your spouse) might have a hard time seeing when the kids are so young. My older kids never blink at air travel, or trying new foods, or new environments, and are not just “tolerant” ( a laden word if there ever was one) but joyously accepting of the wide array of what constitutes a “normal” way to live one’s life. Ido believe that if more people traveled, especially from a young age on, there would be less of this provincial small-mindedness that really keeps people apart rather than together in the world.
Also, a few times now, I’ve flown next to or near someone with a horrible, debilitating fear of flying. IT’s no joke, they are terrified and in a panic. I don’t understand all the elements that go into fear of flying, but surely having air travel be part of your life from an early age on would help to combat it…
Now, when my kids were as young as yours, my husband and I were on the same page in terms of traveling as a family. Like Annie and Susan noted above, marital strife is not worth anything, if it’s easily resolved. Good luck. I hope he comes to see the great value that travel adds to a family unit and each member’s life experiences.
September 9th, 2012 at 5:49 am
I couldn’t agree with all of the comments above more (marriage agreement, etc). We have children who are 7, 4, and 2…and we’ve been exploring since they were…umm…well, 4 weeks old for the oldest, and from birth for the others
When once we decided we’d settle down (didn’t last longer than 18 months), our then-5 year old asked us when we were moving again. We explained to her that we weren’t moving anytime soon. “But we’re TRAVELERS!” she said. I don’t think we had ever described ourselves like that…but she was used to the lifestyle of moving every 6 months for her entire life so far.
So, honestly, traveling with kids isn’t easy. Just yesterday I was ready to pull out my hair as we dragged 2 of the children through a Medieval Festival in Rothenburg, Germany…and then through a pumpkin festival after that. I expressed my exhaustion to my husband, and he responded as if it was no big deal he had to drag them on his back, and push them around (let’s face it…he takes most of the physical brunt). I couldn’t believe it! But he also helped me reflect on the real reasons we travel.
The 7 year old is gloriously easy now (but she had her moments in the past–believe me!), and the 4 year old is close to being over this difficult stage, I believe. But getting through these difficult times definitely makes them better travelers, just like Annie said. There will be a struggle with traveling with children at ANY age, but I’ll take the struggles of endurance (yes, carrying that screaming kid a little longer) over struggles of personality (i.e. my teenage kids not caring about other cultures, insisting on their own lifestyle all the time, being inflexible travelers, etc). Traveling now preps them for the rest of their life. They may not remember every place and experience…but YOU have built that memory, too. It’s not all just about the kids…what about YOUR memories of traveling with them? When they’re gone from the house, you’ll remember those fondly!
Oh, and my 7 year old remembers almost everything…she’s crazy like that. But even if she didn’t…she is still being wired as a good traveler, and a respecter of different cultures and people.
As parents, our job is to not always take the easy way out…but to teach our kids values through real-life experiences. For some, their values stay within the walls of their own home. For us, it expands to the world, and how we interact with others. So…the question is…what kind of values are most important to you and your family?
September 9th, 2012 at 7:15 am
On my site, TravelMamas.com, the focus is on staying sane while traveling with children. Of course I think you should keep traveling, but maybe you need to do easier and/or less trips. As a fellow travel writer with two kids (ages 4 & 7), I know I get stressed out when I schedule too many trips one right after the other. As for your 12 in 12 challenge, that’s A LOT to tackle in one year. Could you make it 12 in 24 instead? Maybe you are trying to accomplish too much during your trips, which is leading to your husband’s frustration. Be sure to schedule lots of down days and discuss expectations before you leave home so you both are on the same page in terms of activities, travel pace, etc.
I do think it’s important to give our children experiences before they can even remember them. Living is about the now, not the past. You are helping them develop their brains and nurturing their sense of wonder. Just be sure to pick destinations and activities that make sense for them, your husband and you!
September 9th, 2012 at 7:54 am
I wish I could wave a magic wand – but it is true, doing ANYTHING with kids is more difficult than doing it without. But the rewards are exponentially more, as well. I can’t imagine traveling without our daughter – for not only are we giving her the world, and a variety of intercultural experiences, but we are also learning to see the world through HER eyes. That, THAT, is pure magic, and something that people who travel without kids don’t ever get to see. From the shorter perspective (lol) to meeting people you would never get to meet otherwise, to seeing how people all around the world love children – it’s a blessing.
It might not feel like it when you have to exit a restaurant with a screaming kid. It might not feel like it when you fork over lots of money for airline tix. But this happens whether you are traveling or not – your lives HAVE changed. Sometimes it’s difficult, wherever you are. But would you leave your kid home from your LIFE?
Your kids will learn so much from travel – from being adaptable, to learning about different environments and ways of being in the world. They will learn that people love kids. They will learn languages, customs, and different food. A well-traveled kid probably won’t be a fussy eater – they’re the ones asking for the squid, or the grasshoppers. It’s also a great start to raising a good global citizen – one who knows difference exists, and also knows that people are the same everywhere, and that kindness and compassion are steps to creating peace.
Here’s why we love traveling with our daughter: http://www.wanderingeducators.com/best/traveling/why-we-love-traveling-our-daughter.html
And one thing to always remember – life changes, once you have kids. You’ve just got to roll with it – whether at home, or traveling. It’s all a learning experience!
September 9th, 2012 at 7:59 am
It’s the hard times talking, ask him to remember a great time with the kids while travelling… I’d bet he’d do that day all over again. We travel with a 2 & 3 year old and boy is it tough. If there is no naps, it’s hell. But that look of awe on a child’s face, not once in a blue moon but all the time is incredible. And they remember! My 3 year old consistently tells me stories about places we have been, even up to a year ago. And if they don’t? What does it matter? You will have those memories of them and you and the quality time and for me that is more than enough.
September 9th, 2012 at 8:03 am
P.s. Agree with Susan, they learn so much. My 2 & 3 yr old can count to ten in 3 languages! None of their friends can do that. They also are learning where things are in the world. That Oma is in Australia and they are in …. wherever we are haha.
Perhaps you could just travel more slowly. We like to spend a month in each country and see everything there is. There is plenty of rest days and the kids tend to behave better, leaving everyone much more ready to keep going
September 9th, 2012 at 8:52 am
I have traveled mainly in the US., Mexico and Canada with my kids — now 10 and 12. Each was on a plane by the time he/she was 3 months old. We take at least 3 plane trips together a year. This year was the first they took their own unaccompanied minor plane trips. I am so proud of how they are self-assured when they travel. I know it has helped them build their confidence and “worldliness” over the years.
Perhaps as a compromise you take some “close to home” or domestic trips together as a family as you negotiate the “tough” preschool/toddler years. (Honestly, traveling with them now — no diapers! no carseats! — is absolutely WONDERFUL. It does get better and easier. So much fun when they can *do* stuff, like kayak, surf, ski and bike in new places!)
There are others who have commented who have traveled to more “exotic” places with their kids — and trust me, eventually we’ll get to Europe and Africa with our children. But for us, it’s worked to enjoy the sights in our own country and neighboring countries. Maybe this solution would work for your husband. I am certain that my children have grown from our frequent domestic travels, and it has only prepared them for more far-flung adventures in the future!
September 9th, 2012 at 9:05 am
I wonder if Reid and I are related? We’ve been traveling 4-6 times a year with our kids since they were born. They’re now teenagers and at least once a trip I feel the same way that Reid does. Traveling with kids can be frustrating (although, according to my kids, so can traveling with your parents), but the frustration comes and goes, while the tightness of our family from spending so much time together just keeps growing.
When the kids were young, it seemed like we had a lifetime to take trips with them. Now they’re getting older and I can see the end of our time traveling as a family in the not so distant future. There’s so much that we won’t get to do with the kids before they have their own lives to live already. I can’t imagine how big that list would be if we took a few years off.
Hang in there Reid!
September 9th, 2012 at 9:43 am
For your husband: Just because something is hard doesn’t mean it isn’t worth doing. I have been traveling with my twins since they were born. One has high functioning autism. Imagine taking two 2-year-olds on a 28 day road trip mostly by yourself. Trying to carry two screaming kids into a motel room with all your luggage is nothing short of hellish. But here’s the thing- my kids are going to be six this month and they travel better than most preteens. We recently took a trip to Peru with a group that was supposed to be 8+ and they did awesome. We had another 5 year old on our trip who was an executive’s daughter and came because my kids were going. She dropped out of half of the activities. Imagine getting to Machu Picchu and having to quit exploring the ruins because your kid was scared or tired or just didn’t feel like it. It would suck. My kids not only explored, they did the 1,000 foot climb up to the Sun Gate which many adults didn’t even attempt. That is what you get when you travel with your kids young. You get easily adaptable kids with plenty of endurance and interest in the world around them.
You will also be raising some pretty confident kids with an expanded world view. My kids are never afraid to be dropped off anywhere because they have been dropped off in kids clubs, ski school, etc since they were old enough to do it. They know Mommy will always come back and they know a new adventure is waiting for them. They aren’t afraid to try new things, including food. They understand that most of the world is different from the little suburb they live in. Even if you travel to different parts of your state, you are expanding their view. You are encouraging their spirit of exploration. You are teaching them tolerance. You are exposing them to different versions of beauty.
If all of this wasn’t enough to convince you, let’s use simple science. Kids grow more brain cells in their first five years than any other time in their lives. Imagine how much knowledge your are giving their little minds every time you take a trip. You could read them a book about the tallest trees in the world or you could take them to the tallest trees in the world. Will the two year old remember the experience 10 years later? Probably not. But will the experience be growing thousands of little brain cells as they look up and get dizzy from not being able to see the tops of trees, look down to see a tiny golden mushroom sprouting in the forest, listen to the sounds of the wind rushing through the trees and several different types of birds singing, and challenge their bodies by trying to climb on top of one of the tree’s massive roots? Absolutely.
September 9th, 2012 at 10:39 am
DEFINITELY carve out “adults alone time” on every trip. Or try to anyway. When kids were smaller, we’d often travel w/ grandma = built in babysitting! But you can hire sitters, use kids’ clubs, etc.
I also book a spa treatment so I can have “mom time.” This is a non-negotiable expense on our resort vacations!
I’ll be honest, I don’t recall any really horrifying moments traveling w/ our kids. They have always been pretty well behaved (or I’ve blocked out and repressed all of the most horrible toddler tantrum moments on the road). Make sure they get their naps, have their snacks… you know the drill.
I can’t imagine our life without our travels! I feel so blessed to have raised two smart pre-teen travelers. I’m sure you AND your husband will feel the same way in coming years. Again, compromise — shorter or less frequent trips might be the way to go when they are still in diapers. Then go bigger when they are older!
September 9th, 2012 at 11:27 am
I think the key to traveling with young children is really your mindset. Trips with children (esp. young ones) are trips, not vacations. I think that once you have more realistic expectations as to what your children can and can’t do, taking trips with children aren’t quite as frustrating. My husband I are fortunate enough to be able to take one fabulous, relaxing trip for about 5-6 days without our kids every year. We took our kids to Hawaii last year for a week (ages 4 and 2 at the time) and it was a very different trip than when we went with just ourselves 18 months before. I know that I won’t get to read a new novel on the plane flight with kids, I know that we won’t get to do as many fun activities, and that we will spend our evenings in, but that’s ok with me. Like you, I feel that it’s worth it on the end to have my children travel. As with most things in life, managing expectations is key!
September 9th, 2012 at 11:28 am
I’ve just returned home from a month in India and Nepal, after a summer spent driving across the USA. We’re tired after the constant travel, and even thinking of staying closer to home next summer, but we would never give up travel altogether. This is what brings us closer as a family, and even the bumps & hassles make the joys even sweeter.
Definitely, travel gets easier as the kids grow older – there are so many more options. But one of things that helped when my children were young was to plan trips around their needs. We visited a lot of zoos around the world, ate in family-friendly restaurants, took breaks at playgrounds, and the like. And as a result, enjoyed seeing the world through our children’s eyes while keeping the stresses to a minimum.
September 9th, 2012 at 12:19 pm
I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old. I can feel your frustrations and concerns when traveling with them. We do not have the grandparent option for an extra hand on trips. It is always just us and the kids. Then again, even at home that is the case.
On my site I try to highlight how we continue to travel to amazing places, but we make it work with our kids. It’s not always perfect, but neither is parenting. And yes, it costs a lot of money, but to me it’s worth it.
We keep traveling because these are our kids. I’m at home a lot with them. I would rather be seeing the world than sitting in my house. There is only so much of our city I can explore every week before I long for something new. This is also dedicated time with our kids. Life gets in the way but our trips guarantee uninterrupted time with the kids, especially with their dad who is out of the house all week working.
That said, traveling with a toddler does feel like my undoing some days. His baby brother is a breeze, but those tantrums that come out of no where can really wear me down. I wrote a post all about it…
http://walkingontravels.com/2012/08/18/travel-with-toddlers-may-cause-me-to-go-insane/
But at the end of the day is it worth it to travel with your kids? Absolutely. What they take away from their travels, even at this young of an age is priceless. And what they don’t remember, I will. If I’m really honest, I travel for me, not for my kids and its my memories I’m working on making right now
September 9th, 2012 at 2:42 pm
I’m also looking back with the hindsight of having much older kids and I definitely agree that it’s worth it! My daughters are now 15 and 9 and both were on planes before they were 4 months old. We’ve been taking several trips a year ever since. There’s no doubt that it’s hard when they are little but the benefits outweigh the difficulties by so much – and I think now that it’s actually more difficult to travel with a moody teenage girl than a toddler!
I would have been miserable if I hadn’t been able to travel when my kids were young and fortunately my husband was willing to indulge my wanderlust. I can see now that travel has had such a positive impact on both of my girls. My older daughter flew by herself to Scotland this summer for a 3 week abroad program and wasn’t the least bit concerned about traveling alone, going somewhere she hadn’t been before, or meeting new people.
As Steve said, as your children get older you start to realize that the number of trips that you are going to take with them is finite. My older daughter will only be home for 2 more years and then she’ll be going off to university and starting her own life. I would love to be able to have the opportunity to explore a few more places with her but time is running out.
If your husband is having reservations then clearly there will have to be some compromises on the type or frequency of trips but don’t give up on travel altogether. In a few years your family will be looking back on these difficult times and realize how happy you are that you persevered.
September 9th, 2012 at 4:05 pm
So much wisdom in this thread and there’s so no one right way. Every family is unique and the dynamics different and forever shifting, not only as the children get older (or more numerous) but as our needs, interests, circumstances and responsibilities change as parents (and as kids with parents). For me it’s all about working it through and finding ways to travel that accommodate those different needs and interest, both parents and kids and that may change from year to year.
It’s been my experience that travelling early has made it more ‘normal’ for our kids so they take most things in their stride but there are plenty of examples too of family who have started late, taken a break, stopped and restarted, travel intermittently, go in sub-family groups… all manner of things are possible and valuable. As is not travelling and doing something else altogether.
The strongest argument in our relationship has always been the briefness of family time – whatever you do with it. While it seems like babyhood, toddlerdom, preschool, highshool will last for ever, the totality of it all is short, precious and over in the blink of an eye. And the chance to travel or do anything together with kids at any or each of those ages (complete with its own challenges and rewards) is also gone no sooner than it’s spoken of. Travel for us is mostly about being and doing things together, building strong relationships and family unit. While I’m a travel and new experience junkie, over the years I’ve come to realise that there are other ways to fulfil that need too! And some of them can be done at home. Hope you talk keep talking and find some creative way to make things work for you.
September 9th, 2012 at 5:13 pm
I echo what @jennifer says, and many others. We have been traveling with our children since they were born as well. Now they 10 and 13, but they each took long plane trips before they were even 6 months old. We have continued traveling with them ever since. They have been all over the US, Mexico, Europe and we are about to head off to Costa Rica and Panama over the holidays.
Although my daughter probably doesn’t remember that first trip to Maui at 3 months old, or my son to Italy at 16 months old, I do know that each and every time they traveled it made them (and my husband and I) better travelers. We learned how to sit for long periods of time (pre iPad) on a plane or in a restaurant . We learned to deal with small hotel rooms with a toddler that didn’t nap and a baby that did (nothing like a crib in the closet). Like you said, it isn’t always as pretty as bloggers make it look in our photos. We have had our moments where I have said it was more work for me to be on vacation then to be at home.
Our motto while traveling has always been “if you want it like it is at home — then stay home” so our kids learned to try new foods and activities even when they didn’t want to. Point being that if we waited to start traveling with them on a regular basis until they were older and could remember it, their behavior likely wouldn’t be what it is today on the road. Now they love to travel! They share the same passion for exploring as much as my husband and I do.
At this point they are even able to go on sophisticated trips like Windstar and Seaborn cruises with their Great-Grandmother. If we hadn’t been traveling with on a regular basis their whole lives, I am not sure this would be possible.
Push through these years of traveling with little ones. It is totally worth it. Just set your expectations right for each trip. Are you going to enjoy a quiet dinner for two at 8pm each night? Probably not. Are you going to create memories that last a lifetime? Definitely.
September 9th, 2012 at 6:27 pm
I can totally relate to both your perspective and your husband’s. My children are 3 1/2 and 9 months and there are moments when I wonder if we’re really crazy. But we’ve focused on the kinds of trips that maximize our enjoyment as a family, kids included. So we’ve scaled back and do a lot of road trips, weekend getaways, and easy-to-navigate destinations with little ones (like Florida or where we have family/friends living). I have grand ambitions for future travels when they get a bit older. But I also think that without some “training” with the trips we do now, they’ll never learn to be good travelers.
I got to see this play out this summer. We took a trip to the beach in Michigan with my sister’s family. She has delayed traveling with her kids until now (5 and 2 1/2 yrs). Her youngest really struggled throughout our time there, and I’m somewhat convinced it’s because she has so rarely been away from home. (This was a relatively easy trip… she had a quiet bedroom of her own for sleep in our rented cottage, really family-friendly location, cousins to play with, grandparents there, etc.)
I also think it’s important to spend time away from home with your kids because it’s the ultimate in bonding and connecting. When we spend a weekend around home, I find that my husband and I are constantly just trying to distract our kids so that they’re happy and we can get things done. When we’re away from home, we really focus on each other. The time we spend together is of a much higher quality when we step away from household chores, grocery store trips, work obligations, etc.
However you choose to go from here at this crossroad, I hope you continue to take what I like to call adventures with your kids, near or far, simple or exotic. And I hope you all find a way to really enjoy those moments. If it helps at all, from my own experience and the comments above, you’re definitely not alone and we’ve all been there!
September 9th, 2012 at 6:59 pm
Maybe its a matter of expectations? Having kids is hard no matter where you are. Just staying at home with kids can be the most taxing experience. Little kids especially have a way of stretching their parents limits. At least, if you are traveling, you are seeing something new while your kids are driving your crazy
Changing your expectations about what travel with kids is like could be the key to making it easier. Maybe if you expect that travel for this season is going to have difficult moments, but will be an investment in great traveling kids later?
This post http://www.suitcasesandsippycups.com/2011/05/its-not-a-vacation-its-a-trip.html is how we, as a family, have made peace with the trials of traveling with kids.
I hope you find a happy ground where you both can get what you need. My husband and I argue about travel, too. I want to stay on the road forever and he thinks we should go home. Silly husband.:)
September 9th, 2012 at 8:07 pm
People get sick, die, lose their jobs … it sounds morbid but it happens. So I think if you are healthy, happy and can afford to travel, then you should go. If your husband doesn’t want to travel, maybe you can take some trips without him.
It’s something you should decide together and it all depends what is important to your family. If your circumstances change suddenly, what is it that you’d regret?
September 9th, 2012 at 8:16 pm
Hey, Hilarye! I see you’ve received a lot of good advice from a lot of well-traveled families. Here is my perspective:
* You’ve accomplished some big goals this year with your 12-in-12. It’s understandable if you’re feeling a little “done in” at this point. Plan some easier trips next year and see how it goes.
* It gets better as the kids get older. You won’t need as much stuff and the kids become more independent. The travel habits you establish now will pay off later.
* Just because kids don’t remember doesn’t mean they don’t get anything from their travel experiences. Lots of brain connections are formed in the first years of life. Also, my daughter loves to see baby pictures of herself in interesting places, and she has greater interest in learning about those places because she “remembers” them from the photos.
* I think it’s really important for husbands and wives to vacation without the kids sometimes. Happy marriages are good for kids. I feel anxiety when we leave our kids behind, and I miss them, but the investment in our marriage is so worth it.
* Traveling with friends or relatives can take the pressure off. My parents and in-laws are easy to travel with, so we often invite them along. It’s a great opportunity for our kids to bond with Grandma and Grandpa. Just beware of making assumptions about how they feel about the money, whether or not you will do everything together, or babysitting.
You and your husband both love to travel and you’ll want to share that with your kids. This is a great opportunity to step back and figure out what works for YOUR family.
September 9th, 2012 at 9:21 pm
First off, thanks for all of the comments there have been some really good ideas and insights given.
However, I think I’d better come to my defense just a little (for any of those that are thinking I’m a baby hating shut in). As Hilarye mentioned, as a kid I travelled everywhere with my family and those memories are the best ones I have. I want my girls to have those same memories when they are adults.
Every vacation I’ve been on with my girls has had parts that I wouldn’t change for the world. I love my babies and I love travel. I fully intend to show them the world and bring them up in a way that makes them appreciate all cultures, food and people. That being said, almost every vacation I’ve had points where I wonder why I do it. Why do I pay full price for half an airline seat? Why do I check luggage at the airport filled with baby formula? Why do I skip out on afternoon plans because they baby is grumpy and could use a quick nap?
I think the best way to go forward and maybe what we need to do more of, like many of you commented, is to pick and choose what trips we go on as a family and which ones we travel without the kids. I think better balance is what we need.
Don’t worry, the debate over when and how to travel with our kids isn’t ruining our marriage. We still love each other and our girls and we’ll never stop traveling. We care about our kids too much not to show them the world.
September 9th, 2012 at 9:29 pm
I don’t know Reid! Not traveling with the babes is deal breaker for me ; )
September 9th, 2012 at 9:30 pm
My fave comments are the ones that talk about how because they traveled as babes they were better travelers later on. I believe it. Our 3 year old gets SO excited when it’s time to go on a trip, she lives for it!
September 9th, 2012 at 9:33 pm
OK, so I’m going to play devils advocate here. I LOVE traveling with my kids. However…I haven’t had more than a date night out with my husband in 3 years. The idea of a trip, just the two of us, does sound rather lovely. Of course these days we would just love to get a hotel room downtown and sleep. Sleep for 2 days straight! Every year we just try to figure out how to travel as a family but also take care of us as a couple. It’s a fine balancing act I think we all walk.
September 9th, 2012 at 9:40 pm
Great pictures. The younger they start traveling, the better travelers they are. We took a 2 year old to Thailand. We also spent 5 days in a hurricane shelter in Mexico with a 4 year old at one point. The kids are as good at dealing with change as the adults. It’s funny how most people are shocked we take kids with us on such long trips and I’m just as surprised that they don’t. Trust me, it’s easier taking a kid to a hotel half way around the world than it is to take them camping. I did a RT on your tweet to this article.
September 9th, 2012 at 10:03 pm
We are totally taking a 10 day trip the two of us next month. But that is a nightmare for me. I’m going to miss my baby so much! Keryn come visit SLC and leave your kids overnight with us and then they can all play and you two can head up to Park City for the night!
September 9th, 2012 at 10:05 pm
10 days would be way too long for me too. And do not tempt me with a visit woman. I will so drop my kids with you and hit the slopes of Park City!
September 9th, 2012 at 10:06 pm
Anytime! I’ll just come to Seattle and you can pay me back!
September 9th, 2012 at 10:08 pm
Count on it lady!!
September 10th, 2012 at 1:56 am
Don’t be afraid to get a babysitter for those times when the kids are asleep and you’d love to explore. Many hotels offer babyminding services.
September 10th, 2012 at 6:19 am
I read through this whole string of comments, and was really glad to hear Reid’s point of view. It sounds like he’s on the same page as you, overall! You have MANY years ahead of you to travel as a family, so don’t pressure yourself to get it all in now!
Like Jennifer said, traveling with young kids is best experienced when you lower your expectations considerably. That was the lesson I learned the heard when I took my five-month old son on a trip to FL by myself, with a layover.
Ever since then, I respect their schedules, and NEVER mess with naptime! If that means we cut back on our itinerary, so be it. We’ve also stuck to regional car trips for most of their pre-school years, so we can bring all the “stuff” which makes them comfortable.
In my opinion, even traveling to a neighboring state exposes kids to new experiences, new vistas, new people and cultures. Modification has been the key for us. We’ll get to Europe, eventually!
September 10th, 2012 at 8:45 am
Reid, you’re a good sport.
September 11th, 2012 at 8:20 am
This is a topic I address a LOT. Our son is 3 years old now and we have had the opportunity to travel all over the world with him.
Frankly, I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast this morning, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have bothered eating any. Admittedly, our travels started off a bit stubbornly – we’d travelled so much before our son was born – and we wanted those travels to continue.
Here’s why we continue to travel with our pre-schooler and why we love it:
WE will remember – Our son may not remember some of our travels, but my husband and I will.
Practice for us – My husband and I are experts at getting us, our son and all the gear through security checks at the airport. The more you do it, the easier it gets. I am no longer filled with angst when I think about lugging a B through the airport along with carry-on bags, luggage, a travel crib, and a car seat! And with all the things we need to pack for our son, we’ve learned how to pack lean and mean – which is extra important now that most of the airlines are charging for each checked bag.
Learning opportunities – I think of my own pre-baby travels and my time spent cycling in Europe and Asia. My first cycling trip was to Denmark – a clean, safe, cycling paradise where cyclists have their own lanes, traffic lights and secure parking lots. With each subsequent trip, I tried someplace a little less cyclist-friendly, culminating in 2005 and 2006 with 3,000 kms of cycling over 7 weeks through Myanmar, Thailand, Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia. I would never have even contemplated a voyage like that had I not gained confidence in my previous trips.
Will B remember playing with other kids at a pre-school in Norway, climbing sand dunes in Dubai or gawking at an endangered frog in Panama? Probably not. But with each trip, he has become more comfortable putting his blankie through the x-ray machine at the airport, with long flights and changing accommodations.
With many trips under our belt now, and looking back on some of the challenges, I would not have changed things for the world. Our son LOVES to visit new places, and he already understands that people live differently all around the world. Instead of asking for new toys, he asks to visit places he sees in books and this curiosity of the world is absolutely priceless. All that travel certainly has its monetary price – we pay for three seats instead of two, and those flights can add up. But when my son plays with his talking globe and declares he’d like to visit Rwanda some day I know our travel is worth every cent.
Does it really matter if our kids remember all the specific places they’ve visited? I don’t think so. But what I hope DOES stick with them is that the world is more than just our own little neighbourhoods – that it is a place full of different cultures, sights, experiences and foods. And all of it is waiting to be explored!
September 18th, 2012 at 5:25 am
[...] Moments like these make all the frustrations worthwhile. (Fred at the Tennessee Aquarium, 2008)Greetings from Camp Granola! Normally for Granola Talk I muse on something I’ve read that’s put me in a semi-philosophical mood. Today though I’d like to dive into a practical subject… travel with kids. What’s got me noodling is this post by fellow blogger Hilarye over at Dotting the Map. [...]
October 5th, 2012 at 8:04 am
[...] in Istanbul at foXnoMad.Dotting the Map asks a question every vagabonding parent has contemplated: is it really worth taking young kids on trips? What do you think?Like free flights? Jaunted has the scoop on JetBlue giving away 1,006 free [...]
October 9th, 2012 at 12:21 pm
I see all the happy pictures with your kids and I think the question answers itself.
Kids soak up everything around them at a young age, and even though it’s probably exhausting, you are really doing wonders for the way your child sees the world.
Keep it up, Hilarye and Reid!!! As long as you’re not turning around and yelling at them in the back seat too much, your kids will thank you for it later!
January 23rd, 2013 at 2:42 pm
Thank you so much for writing this! We have a 1 year old daughter who already has 4 flights and more than 4000km by car behind her back. I completely agree with you that experiences are the most precious thing that stays with us and our kids after the trip is over. I’ve just had an argument with my mother-in-law who claims that taking our kid to Lisbon or Paris or any big citi has no sense since she won’t remember anything. Well, I told her exactly what you’ve written. Please help me convince her in any other way. I’d like to read some studies on this topic.
Keep traveling, keep moving!